Gamblin' Ramblin$

sprouting wings

Today, my eldest son, Trevor, leaves home to begin his long journey in the service of the Army. I'm not quite sure he realizes what is in store for him, but he'll discover that soon enough.

To say I'm going to miss my boy...well...just don't say it.

Trevor, while I may not understand your decision, I certainly support what you wish to do. I am very, very proud of you.

Listen, do what you're told, keep your head and your ass down. I look forward to buying a serviceman a beer in the future.

180 degrees

I used to look forward to so many holidays. Now...I could not care less. So many things, little things, that just remind how alone I feel.

What I need....what I really, really need...is a trip to Vegas. It would not take much to convince me to make it a one way ticket. I want to leave here so badly. Hell...I've been pushed away and pretty much discarded by those who meant the most to me (not all, mind you)..why not? I won't be missed by them.

I feel like shit anyway and need to start all over, so why do it here? If I'm going to begin a new life, I might as well do it somewhere I like.

I just wish the ringing and spinning would stop.

Simply amazing

How many times am I going to have my nose rubbed in it...and how many times am I going to keep going back for more?

Hi...my name is doormat...just walk on in.

.......

How many times have I gone to sleep, wishing I wouldn't wake up?

Knowing things I wish I didn't.

The sadness and loneliness envelope me like an unwanted blanket on an already hot day.

I'm so tired of putting the "game face" on every day...I just don't want to do it anymore.

I give...something wins, but not me.

The Year That Was(n't)

Happy New Year!!

Well...Christmas is over and I'm here pecking away at the keyboard while the Rose Bowl is getting ready to start. I was able to visit the kids today and now my dinner is cooking. Things seem to be peaceful and for the moment...stress free. Now would be a good time to reflect on the past year...the good and the bad.

One of these days, I'll either move all my files to this laptop, or fire up the old one so I can upload some pics. One of these days.

I have to start with the 2 people , without whom I would probably not be around to write anything. They would be my brother, George, and my main man and voice of reason, Will Hallback. I've interacted with many folks over the past year, but these 2 have been the sturdiest of rocks I relied on (or cried to). My personal issues have been varied and some quite severe, and these guys have responded within minutes to provide aid. I can never repay them for the support they have given me...the best I can do is offer my sincere thanks.

Work has been good and I'm continuing to learn new things almost daily. It has been an exercise of patience at times, but overall very rewarding. I have looked into positions in other divisions of the Company as far away as Alaska and in Florida. I peek at Nevada too...lots of opportunity there...hahahahaha. Who knows where I will end up this time next year?

I have made several new friends, through work and through WOW. If I tried to mention them all, I would surely miss one or two. The ones who really stand out though, for whatever reasons are: Fjaweru/Zoqui, Nightsmoon, Michedica, Morgatha/Piobhorror, Erised/Enived, Eltsorro, Drclal & Msclal, Dew(in all her forms!), Distructor...the list could go on. These folks (some don't play anymore) were not only fun to play with, but fun to banter with during game play. It's fascinating how relationships develop within the game...helping with quests and achievements or general fussing about things out of our control...what class is OP (they all are except mages!), and so on. Amazingly enough, I've grown close to a few of the above mentioned folks...discussing their kids (we have a lot of couples in our guild), schools, parenting, "adult" subjects (heh heh),...etc. And one, whom I won't mention by name, I owe so much to. If any of my in game cronies actually read this thing...they may know who I'm talking about. This person was a beam of sunlight piercing the grey clouds of my horizon (oh puke!), showing me that, yes, there is some hope for me. Thank you! Not that this person also caused me some grief as well...the pros outweigh the cons. Christmas and New Year's Day were both pretty much saved by this one person. That's it..no more to be said.

I'm done...dinner is ready. Looks like a good game. I think we may raid tonight. So...2010...what do you have in store for me?

The best laid plans

What should have been the last day of an adventure filled weekend, is played out like the previous three days...blinds drawn, lights out, room dark. Unable to tell the time of day except with a clock.

Then again, things have been dark for a long, long time.

At least I'll be on time to work tomorrow.

Damn those trees

Over the years I have surrounded myself with very smart friends. Why am I not smart enough to listen to them?

Sound of Silence

I forgot how deafening silence can be...or maybe that's just the ringing in my ears.

Another Holiday Season is upon us...I was hanging on to futile hope that I would not be alone this time. Still the fool, I am.

March on!

I did not make it to any football games this year, so I didn't get to see the South Oldham Marching Dragons do their thing. Conor is a junior this year and a veteran member of the band. While I have always enjoyed their performances and thought they were an elite group, they had never been able to to make the State Finals from when Trevor played until now.

That changed this year as not only did they make the finals, they placed 3rd in State! Excellent job one and all. Conor, I am so proud of you.

Here is a link the 3rd Place performance...very impressive.

One of the nicest guys you will never meet...

...Greg Susong, chip collector and webmaster of The Chipboard, passed away 10/9/09.

The world has too few good people in it, and now it has one less.

Here is the thread from the Chipboard.

R.I.P. Greg, you will most certainly be missed.

By Definition

I keep doing the same thing, while expecting a different result.

Am I going insane, or am I just a fucking idiot?

My, how time flies...

...but that doesn't mean I'm having fun.

Revisiting the past...and more past...does that sound right?

Let's look at yesterday, August 3rd. That date holds a lot of significance in my life, particularly 3 different dates:

1988- Perhaps the happiest day of my life, when I took the vows of matrimony and married Mary Beth. The enormity of committing and devoting the rest of my days to this woman was met with enthusiasm and eagerness.

2001- On that day as MB and I celebrated 13 years together, I lost my mother after a very brave fight to a frightening foe. That year, actually, sucked as a whole for so any reasons that if I had the ability to erase it from history...I would do so without thinking twice.

2008- After 20 years of marriage, I moved out of the house at MB's request leaving behind 3 beautiful children and the only person I had ever put on a pedestal. To say my heart was broken would have been such an understatement, that I would have had anyone who said just that tested for sanity. I, myself, died that day.

Yesterday- I didn't have that much time to stop and think. I was finishing up an inventory and working on 2.5 hours of sleep the past 48 hours. I was spent. As soon as I arrived home, I went straight to bed, not waking up till early the 4th. Rather ironic that one of the reasons of our strife, my work, kept me from stopping to think about the past 21 years.

So, now that the day has passed, I have things to say:

Goodbye Mom, I miss you. I wish we could visit Vegas just one more time.

Goodbye Mary Beth, how I wish I could change things. I miss you and the kids so much. Whatever I did or said, I am sorry.

It's storming outside...how very fitting.

How about that?

Well, my last entry dealt with introducing Emma to some new (for her) music. Today, I receive a call from my bud, Will, filling me in on an upcoming festival in downtown Louisville.

Forecastle

This looks like a lot of fun. Now, mind you, I'm not an activist of any sort but the chance to catch some great live music...I'm in!

Cosmic Debris

Emma came over on Tuesday. We had much fun going out to eat, shopping, watching TV, even hitting the swing sets in my complex.

While we were shopping, I came across a Zappa plays Zappa DVD. Mary Beth and I went that show when it was in town in December 2006. That was a special gift to me because Mary Beth wasn't really into Zappa. Happier times.

Anyway, I just had to buy the DVD.

When we got back to the apartment, Emma began playing something on the laptop, so I popped in the DVD. Did I get some strange looks!

Emma thought the lyrics were rather odd. so I told her to just listen to the music. I played about 6 tracks and then we went out for dinner. I don't know whether she actually liked the music, but at least she got some exposure to something new.